What to Look for in a Husband

Yesterday was my sweet hubby’s 32nd birthday, and in thinking about him and celebrating him, this topic came to mind: What to Look for in a Husband. Over the years I have shared my relationships (if you’ve been a reader from wayyyy back you remember some pretty bad ones, *facepalm*) and I’ve received plenty of emails and messages from you all just expressing your happiness for us and your hope to find something similar one day. I don’t mean to sound like we are the most perfect thing to ever walk the planet and I’m by no means a relationship expert, but I do think we are perfectly well-suited for one another. So in this post I’m just going to share important qualities I believe a husband (or partner of any kind!) should have and what you should look for when you’re dating!

PS- Since it’s his b-day and this post is in his honor, thanks for indulging me by letting me put up a bunch of pictures of us 🙂

Is There an Instant Connection?

I don’t mean this has to be “love at first sight” but I do think your gut will tell you something right off the bat if you like someone or feel something. And maybe it’s not in the first 5 minutes. I think you could give it a date or two to see if you are feeling anything, but generally speaking I think you could probably tell by then if you feel a connection.

I think it can be easy and tempting to fall into that trap of just not wanting to date anymore and really wanting to find “the one”, and we can lie to ourselves about the person in front of us…as if it would be easier just to convince ourselves we like this person rather than to keep looking. Please don’t settle!! Because trust me, in the long run that’s not going to work out and it’s just going to be messy and ultimately a waste of your time.

I will never forget my first date with Craig, when he waited for me before we were leaving to go to the restroom (he is forever waiting on me to go pee and never complains about it, which is another major check in his column, but I digress) and when I came out I just saw him standing there and seriously I don’t know how else to describe it except *HEART EYE EMOJIS*. It was unlike anything I’d ever felt.

Does He Make You Feel Special?

I know we’ve all been there (okay at least I know I have)…we’ve dated total douchebags who really don’t give a crap about us. I mean why do we even give these dudes the time of day?! If the guy you are dating isn’t making you feel special, you need to evaluate the situation. Does he ask how you’re doing? Does he care about your day? Does he do little things to show you that he cares about you? I think we all know deep down when a guy is not giving us the attention we deserve. Find one that does.

Does He Take Care of You?

One of the qualities I love most about Craig, and one of the things he doesn’t even really realize he’s doing is that he takes care of me. Ladies, I’m not saying you need to get yourself a man-servant. You 100% should treat your man with respect and show him the same level of care. But Craig is always doing things for me to make my life easier, even if it’s as simple as taking Maverick out at night. (I say that’s a simple thing, but in reality I had an ex who refused to let the poor dog out to pee, so really it’s a big thing to me!)

He takes care of my car, he helps with chores, he just always makes sure I have what I need. When we are out he checks in with me, makes sure I’m comfortable and have everything…he just seems to have a constant conscious awareness of me and making sure I’m doing okay. I think both people in the relationship should be this way, by the way. But if a guy isn’t doing that for you, maybe it’s time to have a chat about it, or maybe it’s time to find someone who will do it without being asked.

Does He Get Along with Your Family?

Okay, I understand this might not always work out because I’m sure there are family dynamics far beyond my comprehension here that would make this point one of contention, but generally speaking, he should get along with your family. And vice versa. That same ex that refused to take the dog out also happened to be Public Enemy #1 to my mother, which obviously is a red flag. I continued to lie to myself about that relationship for a while but in hindsight it’s easy for me to say this: listen to your mother!! Ha.

Another note about families: It’s also helpful I think, although likely not necessary, to have similar upbringings. This helps you more easily structure your family life and expectations. I think the core values from both my family and Craig’s family are very similar, so it really helped us come together more seamlessly. It felt like a great fit naturally.

PS: Add friends to this list too…because your friends know you better than anyone and will also be ready to tell you if the guy you’re dating is a total La-who-sa-her.

Does He Care About More than Just Your Appearance?

It should really go without saying, but especially when you just first start dating someone, it can be exciting and flattering to have someone always telling you that you’re beautiful, etc. And I think, for the record, he should always tell you that you’re beautiful even if you’ve been together 10, 20 50+ years. But does he care about other things? Does he compliment you in other ways? Simply put, is the relationship more than just a physical one?

Sometimes I get a little irritated with Craig because he always tells me I’m prettier without makeup. In general that’s a very sweet thing to say and I’m grateful for it, because Lord knows I don’t put on makeup everyday. But when I do put it on, I want him to still think I’m just as pretty! And it’s just his preference that he likes me better without it. I’d much rather it be this way than the other way around 😉 If a guy only likes you if you’re dressed to the nines in a full face of makeup, you may want to step back and evaluate that.

Is he Trustworthy?

Trust is huge. Clearly. If you are planning to potentially spend your life with someone, then you should be able to trust them fully with your life. Does he make good on promises? Does he show up for you when he says he’s going to? Does he treat others that way? A relationship not built on a solid trust foundation is one I think might need some help. I just think if the trust isn’t there, how could there be anything else of real substance?

Good with Finances

This is something I can’t say I fully thought of while I was dating, however now that I am married to Craig, I realize it is something SO important. I am so lucky that Craig is great with finances and helps drive our family to reach our financial goals. Yes, he is a CPA by trade, but you don’t have to marry an accountant for your husband to be good with finances. Do you all agree on a budget and can you stick to it? Can you work together on what you want for the future to save money? Is he responsible with his money and are you responsible with yours? Money issues can drive a real wedge between couples that may otherwise be perfectly strong because it can just be so stressful. I think it’s the responsibility of both parties here, of course, but make sure you’re both on the same page and have a good set of expectations and foundation.

Emotionally Stable

I just sort of LOLed as I typed that…but really. Is this potential guy emotionally stable? Or does he have the emotional capacity of a 13 year old? Is he quick to anger? Does he have jealousy issues? Find a mature man that treats you like a queen, doesn’t lash out in anger at you (or others), and doesn’t have jealousy issues. If he is possessive, take a long hard look at what is going on…those things can be kind of scary to deal with so do your best to evaluate someone’s character early on.

You know one of my favorite quotes just about people in general? “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.”

Treats You as His Equal

A marriage is a partnership, so it is imperative that your man views you and treats you as his equal. If he talks down to you or makes you feel less than…NEXT!

Spiritual Connection

Craig and I are both Christians and I believe we have only grown stronger as such since we have been married. We fully support and encourage each other’s spiritual growth and faith, and I’m so grateful for that. If your faith is important to you, find someone that will help care and cultivate that into something deeper than it already is. I love that we pray together, read devotions together, do Bible study together, and go to church together. On a daily basis we challenge each other when we may act out in ways that aren’t very Christ-like. We are all sinners, after all. This is going to happen. But when you misstep, does your partner help you reevaluate the situation so you can grow, learn from it, and become a better Christian? Being willing to grow in faith together is an important thing!

He is Out There.

I’m sure I could go on and on, but I think these are really the big things of what you should look for in a husband when you’re dating or getting more serious with someone! Don’t ever settle, ladies. Your husband is out there. Pray for him and pray for God’s timing in leading the two of you together. Stay faithful that it will happen…I promise that it will!

What are some of your tips?? Share in the comments below!

xo,

Bess

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