This is a topic I had requests to write on but to be very honest, I’ve been kind of hesitant…not because I don’t think it’s an important topic or anything like that because it definitely is, but because I worried I wouldn’t be able to find the right words or explain how I feel well enough to make sense. Does that even make sense? Ha. Normally I have a very clear understanding and vision for what I want to write about on here. I sat on this topic for a while I while I tried to sift through my thoughts.
You see, I struggle with writing about this, because I think me coming on here to talk about how much I love my body insinuates that I have this down and I haven’t had any issues at all with body image. But I have, so before we go any further, please know that I’ve had many of the same struggles as any woman. This is not be being on a soapbox about anything. And then if I do write about this topic, I’m scared that if I admit I do still occasionally have those issues that you’d lose your faith or confidence in me to inspire you to love yourself and love your body. Like, who am I to tell you how to go about doing that?
I’m a work in progress…and I have come so far from where I once was. And I’m just going to be honest in this post in the hopes that my sheer transparency will somehow help you.
I will say, that where I am right now (and really the last few years) in terms of body image is the best place I have ever been. First off, something about becoming a mother really shifted things for me in how I viewed my body. And even more than that, I became a mother to a girl…a girl that I want to raise knowing she is beautiful because of her heart and her soul, not because of what her body looks like. So I feel like I’ve undergone basically a crash course in self-correction over the last 7 months of her life and 9 months of being pregnant. But finding the right balance for my body the last few years plays a huge role too.
I think growing up an athlete, I put an additional layer of pressure on myself to look a certain way (in addition to what I saw in magazines and on TV) because to me, you had to look a certain way to be able to achieve a certain level of success and to perform at an elite level. And by “look a certain way” I mean in my head you needed to have next to 0% body fat and an 8-pack abs. This, by the way, is very off base…obviously. Throughout high school and college I would cycle through different diets and overexercising trying to achieve that “look” and all I ended up doing was really damaging my relationship with not just exercise and food, but also with my body. I definitely had times where I hated it for not looking a certain way rather than appreciating it for all the hard work it did to get me where it did and to play Division I soccer in the ACC.
I don’t want to get too into that in this post, but I was acutely aware of what I was doing and why I was doing it…so much so that I took an independent study in college all about the demands from society on female athletes and the female athlete triad. I wrote a 30+ page research paper on the topic (which is long gone by this point…*face palms for not saving it*). It has always been something that has interested me and made me want to dive deeper into understanding it. But I digress.
After sports were over, I was able to work to repair my relationship with exercising and eating and in the past few years have been able to find what really works best for me and makes me FEEL good. That is my primary goal with fitness & wellness these days: to feel good.
So I think it’s important for me to acknowledge all of those things and for you to not think I’m someone who has never struggled with a negative body image or has it all figured out. I actively work everyday to appreciate my body for everything it does and has done for me. I mean, it created a LIFE! That is wild. I still can’t believe it when I look at Emma. It’s hard to explain the shift that happened for me but I guess some of it was because I had something SO MUCH MORE important to worry about: my daughter. I don’t have the time or headspace to beat myself up over skipping a day from working out or eating an extra slice of pizza.
Perhaps perspective is the key. So if you’re not a parent yet or don’t plan to be one, I encourage you to find something that gives you a deeper sense of meaning for your life beyond what your body looks like. That is not why we were put on this planet.
You have something special to give. You have unique talents and traits that this world needs. You are the only you. Focus on those things.
And here is what I know is true:
- The people in your life that love you do not love you because of your body: true beauty comes from your HEART.
- Your value and worth are not determined by how much you weigh or what size jeans you wear
- Having a certain size body does not make you a better person and/or friend
- You have way more valuable things you can be doing with your energy than obsessing over looking a certain way
- Being kind to yourself and your body is the best way to be and doing so gives others permission to do the same
So I know this might not be the most eloquent explanation, but it’s a tricky subject and I just wanted to try to explain my feelings about it since I had some requests from y’all on this topic. I hope this post makes sense and answers those questions!
xo,
Bess
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