It’s kind of hard to believe I’m sitting here about to write my third birth story. It feels like just yesterday I was writing Emma’s. (You can read hers here and Tegan’s here). But today I’m going to be sharing Avery’s birth story.  I love how different each birth experience was and I feel so grateful for the births I had.  Let’s get into little miss Aves’ story because it’s a fast ride!

Let me briefly back up to Easter Sunday.  I told Craig I wasn’t feeling myself/was feeling off that morning but couldn’t put my finger on it.  As the day went on I started feeling worse and worse, and I was having some contractions that night but they fizzled out.  I ending in having a 100.3 fever/body aches/chills later on that night.  We called the on-call physician and he recommended just taking some Tylenol and trying to sleep, then to see how I felt in the morning.  Luckily all that passed, but then for the next couple days I had a stomach bug that really took me out.  Of course I googled and lots of articles say how an upset stomach *can* be an early sign of labor, but I felt pretty confident this was a bug and not labor.

So then on Tuesday my MIL came over to hang out with Emma and Tegan so I could rest.  I laid in bed most of the afternoon and slept on and off. It was so helpful to have that last bit of rest time!  She went home around 5 and we went about our normal dinner/bathtime/bedtime routine with the girls. I told Craig I was having what felt like strong Braxton Hicks contractions, kind of like what I had on Sunday evening, but wasn’t convinced they were the real thing.  I decided to take a bath and see if they also fizzled out.  Mind you, I was only just 38 weeks pregnant and my other kids didn’t come until 40+4 and 39+6, so I was not anticipating actually being in labor.

While in the bath, I continued having contractions and decided that maybe I should time them just to keep track.  After I got out, they continued to get stronger but were happening at various intervals…some were only 30 seconds long and some were a minute long.  Some were only 2 minutes apart and some were 5 or 7 minutes apart.  I got back in bed to watch Netflix and noticed at some point that I was having to breathe through the contractions and that’s when I realized it was probably the real deal.  They were becoming increasingly uncomfortable. I let Craig’s parents (who live about 30 min away) know and asked them to come over to spend the night since I felt like it would be realistic we ended up going to the hospital at some time that night. I also called the on-call doctor at the hospital and told her about the contractions and the timing, and she said since it was my 3rd baby and the timing of those, that I should probably come on in to get checked out.  So once Craig’s parents arrived, we loaded our bags in the car and headed to the hospital.

The whole way there I was thinking about how embarrassed I would be to be sent back home again if this wasn’t actual labor, lol.  Like it’s my 3rd kid, I should *know* for sure.  Well, once we arrived and got checked into triage, it became quickly apparent that we were not leaving the hospital!  The doctor checked me at I was at 6cm (was only 2cm the day before at my appointment) and said “Okay! Let’s have a baby!”.

They asked me what I wanted to do for pain management and I said please get me an epidural stat They got me to a room and soon after, my contractions went to like a level 9 pain level where I think prior to that they were at like a 5 or 6.  In hindsight, I know it was my body going through transition.  Those contractions were beyonddddd!!! We brought the massage gun for Craig to put on my back, and where it had been helping before, with these it felt like it made it worse. I think it’s just because they hurt so bad nothing was really going to fix it.  Except I guess an epidural! The nurse anesthetist came in and got me all situated for the epidural, placed it in my back etc. and then I laid down flat on the bed to let the medicine go down and start working.  Prior to this, I was standing up but bent all the way over with my forearms on the bed or on all 4s on top of the bed.

The doctor came in to check me and said I was at 9cm and told me that I was progressing really quickly.  I asked if I’d have time for the epidural to kick in before having to push and she said “we will see” (haha).  She sat with me for a while and watched the contractions happen and the nurse anesthetist came back in to see if the medicine had started to take effect.  It really was barely in my legs and lower abdomen, but it took the slightest edge off at least.  I think I only had a few more contractions until the doctor checked and said I was at 10cm and baby’s head was right there, and let me know we could try to push.  I was so nervous to push without the epidural fully working but just went with it.

The good news is, pushing actually does help with the pain from the contractions.  It’s like working with your body instead of against it, I honestly don’t even remember feeling those contractions because I was focused on pushing.  I think we went through 2-3 contractions, and since I could feel most everything I was more in control of how hard to push.  I could feel that if I pushed too hard, I might tear and I REALLY didn’t want that especially without the epidural.  So I was definitely more in control in that aspect.  I gave a few pushes and Avery came out!

I could tell the moment I looked at her that she was smaller than my other babies, and thankful for it since I pushed her out without much, if any, pain medication.  The older two girls were 8lbs 4oz and 8lbs 3oz, and Avery was just 6lbs 8oz.

Recovery has been pretty good so far, I was up walking around and easily feeling better after this L&D than the previous two. Which is good, since I have 3 kids to take care of at home now!

We love Avery so much and feel so complete with her in our family <3

Avery Rebecca Carter – 6lbs 8oz, 19inch long, born 4/3/24 at 1:19am

xo,

Bess

The post Avery’s Birth Story appeared first on Bess Harrington Carter.

Sharing what’s in my hospital bag as a 3rd time mom! You can find previous hospital bag lists here for Emma’s birth and here for Tegan’s birth. I packed wayyyy too much the first time, but hey, if you’re a first time mama, just do whatever is going to make you feel comfortable. There’s a lot of anxiety and unknowns about your first time so if packing all the things gives you a sense of control and makes you feel at ease, do it sister.

My bag this time as a 3rd time mom is more similar to what I packed the second time. In fact, I referenced that list to even try to remember what I needed lol. My goal is just really the necessities & a few comfort items.  I used these packing cubes from Amazon and I love them.

The Hospital Bag Packing List:

For baby:

–Happiest Baby Swaddle
–HALO Swaddle
–a few bodysuits (NB size and size 0-3, my other 2 kids barely fit into NB)
–a couple zip up onesies/pajamas
–sleeping gown
-socks & no-scratch mittens
-baby blanket like these (I like the muslin swaddle blankets and there’s lots of different patterns out there. we have so many from Emma so we will be reusing those again!)
–a couple burp cloths (these are my favorite)

For me:

*I recommend just taking black clothes…there’s a lot of bodily fluid that happens even after birth so this way it doesn’t stain:)

-labor & delivery gown (I wore one with Emma and I liked it better than the one I used with Tegan. It’s from Motherhood Maternity circa 2019 so they don’t make it anymore, however this one looks similar)
–button down pajamas
–robe
–nightgown
–eye mask for sleeping
-scrunchie, hair clip
–socks with grips on the bottom
–depends underwear (I like these better than the ones the hospital provides)
–soft nursing bras
-going home outfit will likely just be whatever I arrived in
–flip flops or waterproof sandals for shower

Tolietries:

-shampoo, conditioner
-body lotion
-face wash, face lotion
-razor
–Lansinoh organic nipple balm
-toothbrush & toothpaste
–deodorant
-hair brush
-daily vitamins
–micellar water face wipes

Miscellaneous:

–Sound machine
–XL phone charger (10 ft)
–water bottle (love this 40oz one, got it before I had Tegan and it remains one of my favorite bottles!)
–massage gun (this was a last minute addition to my hospital bag with Tegan and arguably the MVP. I got stuck in triage for HOURS waiting on a room to open up, therefore I labored unmedicated for hours. This massage gun helped get through the contractions SO MUCH. Craig would just put it on my back until they passed)
-Glasses
-Pillow + extra pillow case (I say to take an extra because I labored with mine with Emma and pushed for 2 hours, so the first got sweaty. I didn’t have this issue the second time with Tegan. Pushed twice and she was out lol but will still bring an extra in case.
–Propel packets
-Snacks

Then Craig will pack his own bag as well! He’s taking a pillow and a sleeping bag as well as his clothes.

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Hope this is helpful!!

xo,

Bess

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When I shared that I was pumping on our trip to Spain last week, I had several requests to share tips about pumping while traveling.  I will share what I have done so far and things I’ve felt were helpful.  This is going to be a long post, and I’m sorry about that but I have different scenarios to share – so I hope you find them helpful to read through.  I have only done it twice – once on our trip to Colorado back in February and then during this trip to Spain.  Actually I guess I’ve done it three times, because I also did it on our trip to Philadelphia for a wedding, but that was only one night and less than 24 hours total so much easier to deal with in my opinion.

FYI- most airlines count a bag for a pump a “medical device” bag and doesn’t count towards your bag allotment. So for both the Colorado trip and the Spain trip, I had a bag with my pump in it, my personal item (usually a tote bag), and my carry on luggage. No one said anything to me about it, but I did have the airlines’ & TSA policy screenshotted on my phone in case I needed to show someone.  I’d recommend Googling the policy of whatever airline you are flying just so you know.

My trips have been different in that my plan for the breastmilk was different.  When we went to Colorado it was a 4 night trip and I wanted to bring my breastmilk back with me.  Since I don’t pump much, if ever, while I am at home, I wasn’t sure the best game plan in terms of actually pumping routinely. There’s definitely a learning curve because pumping is just not the same as a baby drinking from the breast. To me at least!  For that trip, I got this backpack that is part cooler, part backpack so that I could carry all my pump parts and breastmilk together.  I took breastmilk storage bags and freezer packs with me. Just a note- the freezer packs need to be frozen solid to go through TSA so I’d leave them in your freezer as long as possible.

I ended up bringing my Elvie portable pump, my hand pump, and then 2 flanges/bottles for the Spectra pump – my friend I was visiting had the same one so she just let me use hers rather than have to pack it.  This trip is the one I learned that the Elvie does not come close to emptying me like I need and it caused some clogs off the bat that I struggled with for the duration of the trip. Luckily the Spectra helped a ton, not sure what I would have done without that. I kept all my milk in my friends refrigerator, and then on the last day I packed it all into the cooler.  I believe you can travel with less than 100oz of milk.  Mine was not frozen, and before going through security, I just told them that I had breastmilk in the bag. I was prepared for them to have to test some of it or something like that, but my bag just went through the scanner and that was that. I have TSA pre-check, so I don’t know if that makes a difference or not in that regard, but I think TSA pre-check is worth it for many reasons!

Since we were only gone 4 days, I was going to be able to get back home and then put the breastmilk in the freezer (since it can stay refrigerated for up to 4 days before needed to be frozen) so that made it easier on me.

I ended up having some bag clogging issues that trip, as I mentioned, and had to make a Target run to get a Haaka + Epsom salt to help me get the clogs out. I later packed these on my trip to Spain so I’d have them if I needed them! The ziploc bag of Epsom salt did get flagged and checked out in security (I guess a ziploc bag of a white powdery substance is suspicious?!) but they tested it and it was fine.  Luckily I needed neither of them in Spain!

When I went to Spain, I took my lessons I learned from Colorado and decided that for my sanity, it would be easier for me to pump and dump. It seemed like internationally traveling with a lot of breastmilk would be harder, and because of how long we’d be there, I’d have to figure out a way to keep it frozen the whole time. With how long the traveling is to get to the other side of the globe, I just felt like dumping it out would be easier (even though emotionally, not easy, I sobbed a little pouring it down the drain). My postpartum anxiety has been bad this time, so whatever I could do to make myself have an easier time I did that. Leaving my babies in the first place was hard enough, but I simply could not miss my best friend’s wedding in Spain!

To Spain, I packed my own Spectra S1 (the one with a rechargeable battery) and my hand pump. I was able to find places to pump in the airport (most have mother’s rooms/nursing rooms/lactation pods) and on the way there, since it was overnight, I didn’t have to pump until we got there the next day.  On the way back, I had to pump on our flight from Munich – Charlotte twice (it’s a 9 hour flight), but it wasn’t bad. I just wore this pumping bra + a nursing friendly shirt and then had a little lightweight sweater I just draped over me so no one could see anything.  When I was done, I poured the milk into bottles with lids and kept it in my bag at my feet to dump out later.  I had the window seat for maximum privacy and Craig sat on the other side of me.

I tried to keep my schedule as best I could with the time change. My hand pump also came in clutch because I figured we’d be out and about some during the day and bringing along the Spectra would be a pain. When disassembled, the hand pump can fit into even really small bags, so I took that with me one day when we went on a catamaran ride to lunch. I pumped before we left and then just took the hand pump to the bathroom with me after lunch. I awkwardly had to stand in the bathroom stall pumping for 15-20 min but one thing I like about the hand pump is that it is efficient. I feel like it is much faster than the electric pump!  I also used it one day when we went on a scenic drive through the mountains & coastline and could discreetly use it in the front seat no problem.

I had to leave the wedding reception for about 30 minutes to pump in my room…but luckily the wedding was at the same hotel where we were staying so it was pretty easy to pop up there for a bit. Otherwise I would have used my hand pump like I did in Philly…

So speaking of that situation, I used the hand pump when we went to Philly for a wedding there, and like I said it fits into even small bags! I fit into this one that I took to the wedding. Again I had to do another awkward bathroom stall standing up pump session, but ya just gotta do what ya gotta do. Again I did not try to keep my milk from that trip and just dumped it out to keep it easy on me.  I had about 100oz from our trip to Colorado + a few other at-home pumping sessions that Tegan used while we were in Philly and Spain, plus we supplement her with this formula once per day.

I exclusively breastfed Emma (she never took a bottle) but with Tegan I intentionally weaned 1 feed (of 4) per day just to make the Spain trip a little easier on me. So I’d only have pump about 3x a day rather than 4. It also takes the pressure off having to bring all the milk back, because I know in a worst-case scenario if I’m not able to breastfeed her, she can take that formula.

One thing I learned about my own needs when pumping is that I need to do it for longer than I thought. I need to try to empty otherwise I get backed up and clogged. For me that means I’m pumping the full 30 minutes on the Spectra. I originally thought doing that would cause me to make more, but really it helps me just stay where I am. Not sure if that tip will help anyone else but it is what I’ve learned about myself. I have a bit of an oversupply and always have, so there’s that.

Overall, having to pump of course was not ideal but it wasn’t awful either. I’m hoping I don’t have to pump anymore though since we don’t have any other trips planned sans-kids, and pumping is just not fun. Major props out there to the moms who do it every day.

I hope this has helped and let me know in the comments if you have any questions or tips for other mamas who are pumping while traveling!

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xo,

Bess

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Tegan’s Nursery Reveal

Wall Color: Snowbound by Sherwin Williams | Rocking Chair in Cream | Crib (reused Emma’s) | Crib Mattress | Rug | Light Fixture | Mirror | Curtains (size: 50 X 96, color: Porcelain White) | Curtain Rod | Curtain Pullbacks | Dresser and Side Table (we painted both Revere Pewter by Benjamin Moore) + used this Hardware | Wall Hooks | Name Sign (Font: Heron, Size: 30 Inches, Natural Stain) | Flower Wall Art (size:11″x14″ inches) | Black Frames | Olive Tree | Olive Branches in Vase (similar) | Lamp | Nightlight/Sound Machine | Woven Hanging Rainbow Decor | Diaper Pail | Cozy Knit Throw Blanket

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xo,
Bess

The post Tegan’s Nursery appeared first on Bess Harrington Carter.

Tegan is 6 months old now (how?!) and I figured it was time for a little update on how things are going, schedules, and answering other questions that y’all sent in to me on Instagram.  Tegan is the sweetest little thing and she’s so chill. I know lots of people say 2nd kids are insane (lol) but so far she seems even more laid back than Emma was…we shall see how it goes.  Girlfriend had her 6 month appointment today and she’s in the 85th percentile for height and 30th percentile for weight at 15lb 4oz.  She’s definitely long!! I have a hard time finding clothes that are long enough for her but don’t swallow her up otherwise. Most of her clothes are big sister’s hand-me-downs

Schedule

Let’s get into the schedule first. We have been using Moms on Call since day 1. It was really challenging to hit the schedule really the first couple months, but we kept trying.  Those early days were far from perfect but I did my best to honor the wake windows they suggest for her age group and saying on a feeding schedule. I also practiced putting her down awake for her nap from a very early age, and due to that it appears we aren’t going to have to really “sleep train” her like we did with Emma.  We did cry it out with Emma around 5 months once things had gotten really bad, and it worked like a charm after just a couple nights. That being said, it is really hard to listen to them cry so I am glad we aren’t going to have to do it with Tegan.  She goes down awake for naps and nighttime and puts herself to sleep.  She’s also a thumbsucker, so I think that helps in the self-soothing arena!

At 6 months this is her current schedule:

• 7:30am Wake & feed
• 9:30 Nap
• 11:30 Wake & feed
• 1:00pm Nap
• 3:00 Wake & feed
• 5:00-6:00 Nap
• 6:45 Bathtime
• 7:00 Feed
• 7:15/7:30pm Bedtime

Even if you don’t want to buy the Moms on Call books/courses, you can download their scheduler app and follow the schedules they provide. I mostly follow them to a “T” but I will tweak them a bit if I think something will work better for her. For example, the above schedule is one I tweaked based on the MOC schedule. They recommend waking at 7, then down for nap at 9.  But I found Tegan was having a hard time staying awake/not getting fussy for her afternoon nap around 1.  So I shortened that wake window by 30 minutes (only awake 11:30-1) by starting her day 30 minutes later. So she wakes up at 7:30 instead of 7.

Eating

We are still breastfeeding right now and pretty soon we will start doing baby led weaning to incorporate some solid foods. The pediatrician gave the OK to start! We tried purees for a week or so but they just seemed to upset her stomach more than anything so we stopped.  I don’t have a goal in mind for how long we are going to breastfeed, I just want to go as long as we can.  I nursed Emma for 13 months so I’d like to do at least that probably.

Your questions

Did you have her sleep in your room in a bassinet or her own room with a crib?  Tegan started in our room in the SNOO bassinet.  Emma slept in our room until about 4 months so I assumed we would do about that long, however we ended up moving her to her own room (still in the SNOO) around 5-6 weeks old.  We did this because she was such a LOUD sleeper!! Constantly grunting and crying out even though she was asleep. It would wake us up all night long!  We all got better sleep once she was in her room.  But again, she was still in the SNOO up until only a week ago!  The SNOO sleep sacks actually have a feature where you can unsnap the arm holes so baby can have their arms free. So we started with that around 3 months.  Around 4 months we turned on the wean feature for the SNOO, where it stops rocking.  Around 5 months I started doing naps in the crib so she could get used to it slowly but at night she was still in the SNOO. Then by 6 months she was more than ready to make the switch to the crib and it was an easy transition to nighttime sleep in there.

Products & sleep? So much has changed in 3 years!  We actually used all the same things we did when Emma was an infant!  SNOO, Hatch Nightlight/Sound Machine, & Owlet Camera.  I can’t really recommend the Owlet camera anymore though, we loved the generation of camera we got when Emma was a baby (we still have it in her room) but this new one just doesn’t work that well, it always disconnects and goes out for hours at a time. But we loved and still love the SNOO and Hatch. Now that Tegan is in her crib she sleeps in the Halo Wearable Sleep Blanket.  We also liked their sleep swaddles too, makes for very easy swaddling. Both products have 100% cotton or fleece options, so we had some in both because in winter we’d use the fleece ones and for warmer weather just the 100% cotton.

We use these Vtech two-way sound monitors for both girls and we love them. They only make noise when the kids are making noise (rather than a constant stream of sound from their rooms) + you can set the sensitivity on them, and have pretty good range…we can take ours outside and still hear if they make noise in their rooms. For the price too? SO worth it.

One thing we didn’t have with Emma that we got for Tegan that she LOVES is this bouncer.  It’s only 4lbs so it’s easy to take from room to room with you. She loves to just hang out in it!

Newborn phased for 2nd baby vs. first and overall 2nd kid transition? Going from 1-2 was SO MUCH HARDER in my opinion than 0-1. Having just a baby to take care of is so much easier than having a baby AND a toddler?! I don’t even understand how this is a debate people have lol but anyways, postpartum this time was a lot harder and I think it’s primarily because I didn’t have the downtime I had when I only had one baby.  Because the toddler always needs something even if its just your constant attention So I was super tired and while I definitely took more naps when Emma was a baby, I just couldn’t really do it this time around.  I mean I remember one afternoon around 5pm I was so tired I just started bawling my eyes out bc both kids needed me and my body just needed sleep. That was a low point haha but, my best advice is to just give yourself a ton of grace and know that no matter how tired you feel, you WILL get through it.  Ask for help if you need it and be mindful of your mental health.  If you’re feeling anxiety or depression let your doctor know. My postpartum anxiety was really bad the first 5 months and it’s gotten better.  I did work with a therapist once a week for almost 4 months and it helped immensely as well. I’m currently using the tools I learned in therapy on my own and seeing how it goes for a little while. I used BetterHelp for that, in case you are interested. You can use this link to get one-week free at BetterHelp. Should I feel the need to go back, I 100% would go back to my therapist on BetterHelp.

How did you survive the first 6 weeks? 4 weeks in with my second and struggling.  I know how you feel, mama. It is so hard.  It’s going to get easier, I promise.  It will.  Again do your best just to know that even if all you did that day was take care of your kids, then you did MORE than enough.  Ask for help if you can.  I am so glad Emma started preschool the week we had Tegan because it helped me that she could go somewhere she enjoyed and be taken care of for a few hours out of the house.  So if you can look into something like that, or maybe even just seeing if a babysitter could come help you every now and then if you don’t have family than can chip in.  My doctor said something to me at my 6 week check up like “it’s so hard in the beginning but it’s so temporary and worth it for a lifetime with this awesome human being!” And it’s true, in the long run these exhausting days and nights will be a distant memory and we will have these awesome humans in our lives as they grow up.  You are doing great, mama and I’m sending you lots of love!

Sleeping and fitting in you time while managing 2 kids most days? So I try to go to bed by 10pm most nights and I basically wake up right before Tegan gets up. Right now I wake at 7:15 and she wakes up at 7:30. I’d love to get to the place where I’m waking up early again to work out, and I think as the warmer months come that will start happening more. But the cold, dark mornings made it a lot harder. There were times in the last 6 months I made it happen, but usually I opt for sleep instead. Emma goes to preschool a few days a week (they’re half days) and so I basically try to cram as much of my work stuff into the times when she is gone and I just have Tegan with me. Emma also still naps from 1-3pm so I try to workout either while she’s at school or during that nap time.  My workout is pretty much my “me time”. I watch my Bravo shows while I run on the treadmill, too. Some nights I also like to take a bath but it’s after they’ve both gone to bed!

Where you at on baby 3 bandwagon at this point?  LOL. I don’t even know. I honestly worry a lot about how difficult a 3rd pregnancy would be on me because the 2nd one was so much harder than the first, and postpartum was so much harder. The baby blues the first week were really bad and kinda scary…they make me scared for full-blown PPD because I was bottoming out on my emotions hard. Everyday for the first week or so around 5pm I’d start feeling SO sad.  I’m glad that passed in the first week but my postpartum anxiety has remained and it’s been a struggle too. I also don’t love being pregnant, however grateful I may be for it, I’m just not someone who feels their best pregnant.

The first 3-4 months with a newborn is so freaking hard. And honestly, having a 3 year old has kicked my ass more than anything haha that age has been hard!!  But I go back and forth, some days I feel like we are complete and Tegan has youngest kid energy and then some days I feel like we were meant for one more and I’d love another baby.  But I think it’s just too early to really know what is right for our family at this point…so I can’t fully answer this! I didn’t even think about having another baby after Emma until she was like a year and a half, so I’ll probably need about that time to fully know. Time will tell!

I hope this post has been helpful…I’ll do another in a few months or maybe around her 1st bday!

xo,

Bess

The post Tegan 6 Month Update appeared first on Bess Harrington Carter.

I had a placenta previa early in pregnancy that luckily resolved by 32 weeks, so I was cleared for vaginal birth which was what I wanted!  I enjoyed Emma’s birth experience so much I wanted to try to replicate certain things, if at all possible. Much of birth is out of your control and I knew that, but it didn’t keep me from wanting it to go a certain way.  Those things were hoping to go into labor naturally without using drugs for induction and a vaginal birth.  Another thing that resolved in pregnancy was that Tegan was breech around 28 weeks, and so by 30 weeks I was seeing the chiropractor each week to help me with pelvic and sacral alignment which is helpful to baby getting into an optimal position.  At the 32 week ultrasound, she had flipped to head down.  Yay!  I kept up my chiropractor appointments until the week before I went into labor.

So let’s get into the day labor started and into her birth day!  It was a Wednesday and had my 39 week appointment that morning around 10:30.  I was actually closer to 40 weeks at this point…Friday was my 40 week mark/due date.  So we were 2 days out from her due date when we went to this appointment.  I was 4cm dilated and 70% effaced when she checked me.  Everything was looking good and I asked my doctor about doing a membrane sweep to see if it would get things going.  She said yes – and warned me that it can be uncomfortable and that it would likely feel like she was “taking my tonsils out through my vagina” (LOL) and honestly, she wasn’t wrong.  It’s really quick though, maybe took 30 seconds tops and she let me know that there was about a 50% chance I’d go into labor in the next 24 hours.  We left the appointment and I was immediately having some increased Braxton Hicks as well as some back pain, but nothing super intense.

The day went on as usual…I picked Emma up from preschool and we took her to soccer that evening.  At soccer I was standing up the whole time and I was just feeling like something was starting to happen.  My Braxton Hicks were starting to feel a little different and I was really uncomfortable.  When we got home I made us dinner while Craig got Emma bathed & ready for bed and I was definitely not feeling great.  I timed my contractions for a while and they were about 45 seconds long and had about 3 minutes between each one, but at this point I could still easily talk through them and walk around doing stuff around the house.  I called the on-call doctor just to see what they thought I should do and they said they thought given it being my second child, how close together the contractions were, and the fact I was already 4cm dilated that I should come in to the hospital for a labor check.  I hated the idea of going and getting sent home, but I also just felt like it was actually happening so, we called Craig’s aunt to come over and stay with Emma (who was already asleep) so we could go to the hospital.  She lives nearby and was going to be our “first call” to come over to be with Emma until my mom could make the drive from Durham.

We got there around 9pm and went into triage.  They monitored baby and my contractions for about an hour and then checked me again…and told me I was still at 4cm so they didn’t think it was active labor yet.  I was kind of floored because I knew these felt different from my normal Braxton Hicks, but I knew they weren’t like full blown yet either.  The doctor told us that labor & delivery was slammed and they didn’t have a room they could admit me, so they gave us a choice: we could wait in the triage room for another couple hours to see if I progressed, or we could go home.  I was so uncomfortable, I couldn’t imagine being in that triage room for several more hours without the guarantee I’d get put in a room anytime soon.  But I was also so uncomfortable it felt kind of wrong to leave, like we’d be going home only to come right back.

One of those scenarios ended up coming true, ha.

We decided to leave and go home. Craig & I both had slept terribly the night before so we figured maybe we could get some more sleep in our bed before the “real thing” started. We are about 15 minutes from the hospital so it seemed to make the most sense.

Well, by the time we got home I was having way more intense contractions.  I tried to lay in bed and I was in a lot of pain so I decided to get into the bath.  I was in there for 30 minutes probably and decided to get back out and get back in bed to try to sleep.  The contractions continued to come and get worse/more intense.  Craig said I sounded different with these than I had earlier.  So I called the hospital back and they said to come back in again.  We had sent Craig’s aunt home, and so we had to call her to come back again.  Bless her, lol.  When she got to our house we headed out.  She even said that I looked different than I had earlier.  Things had definitely taken a turn!  I texted my mom this was the real thing after all and told her to plan to come first thing in the morning.  She left Durham around 6am and was able to be with Emma for the next couple days we were in the hospital, which was a huge help. I was very stressed during the pregnancy about Emma’s care when we went to the hospital, so I’m glad it all worked out okay!  Grateful to the people willing to help us

So back to the hospital we went…I could not sit in the car at all, riding in the car having contractions is the worst.  I got into the back seat and somehow draped myself over the car seat and used my blanket as a pillow.  I was moaning & heavily breathing through contractions at this point.

Back at the hospital and back in a triage room!  Triage had been slammed the first time we came, and this time it was quiet – I think I was the only one that was in there.  It was about 1am at this point.  They monitored me and contractions again and said I’d be staying, they just needed a room to open up.  Unfortunately, another woman came into triage after me but her water had already broken, so when the room opened up they took her back first.  I was in triage for 3 hours laboring through contractions that were about 3-5 minutes apart.  We had brought our HyperIce massage gun with us to the hospital, and I truly do not know how I would have gotten through those contractions without it.  Craig would do it on my back and hips until the contraction passed and it really helped me so much.

I also let the nurse know that I wanted an epidural stat once I got into a room so that they could get that ball rolling for me!

At about 4:30am we got into a room…I was 6cm at this point and the epidural prep was happening.  I think I only had to go through about 4 more contractions before the CRNA had the epidural placed and it was already taking effect…PRAISE.  I wanted to feel no more of that!

We tried to rest and get some sleep then but I couldn’t get comfortable even though I had the epidural.  As time went on I felt like it was too much, I was too numb…if that’s even a thing!  I had to keep asking the nurse to come back in to help me reposition so I could try to sleep some but I never got comfortable until after the 7am shift change…when I got a new nurse. I was borderline having a panic attack about not being able to feel or move my feet/legs at all and not being able to rest.  My nurse really heard me and did so much to make me comfortable…propping up my feet, legs, back and belly in a way I was finally able to rest…and I went to sleep for about 2 hours.  I had also asked if they could turn the epidural down…to which they kind of looked at me like I was crazy lol I guess people don’t usually ask for a lower dose but I wanted to be able to feel something.

I was on the dose for my height (5’9″) and they turned it down to the dose for someone that is 5’2″.  It made a big difference because I was still numb but had more sensation.  After my 2 hour nap, the nurse checked me and said I was basically fully dilated with a small cervical lip on the upper portion.  I expected her to just say let’s do some quick pitocin then start pushing (which was what happened in my birth with Emma) but my nurse actually said she thought it would be better for me to just rest and labor down.

Laboring down is basically just when you let your baby and body do the work…contractions naturally push baby down the birth canal so I just rested in bed for a few more hours while Tegan made her way down!  I was soooo tired and was in and out of sleep during this time, so I was glad to get to rest instead of having to jump right into pushing. 10/10 recommend laboring down especially with an epidural, I could feel the pressure of her head with each contraction but I wasn’t in pain.  If you aren’t feeling ready to push or the urge to push, then talk to your nurse/doc about laboring down until you do!

Around 1pm I told my nurses that I was starting to feel a lot more pressure down there…I could literally feel her head with each contraction being so close it felt like she was coming out.  The doctor was having a really busy morning so since I wasn’t actively pushing, we just continued to labor down until he could get in.  About 15 minutes later he was able to come in and we got everything set up to start pushing!

This is the part of the experience I’m almost unable to write about because it’s so hard for me to find words. It was so just unexpected and surprising and fun and I don’t know…it was awesome.  I did a “practice push” so the doc could see and he said yep you’re ready!  The nurse told me how much of her head they could see and I was shocked.  They had me push with the next contraction and I did about 3 pushes during that contraction…and the doc said I was crowning.  I was like is that a joke?!  I pushed with Emma for 2 hours so I couldn’t believe Tegan was so close already.  I got a break between contractions again but honestly the pushing wasn’t even so intense as with Emma.  I really studied how to best push this pregnancy so I’d be better prepared than I was with Emma – and the cue I found most helpful was to “push like you’re pushing out a tampon” (sorry if that’s TMI)…it just helps you make that mind/body connection of where to push better.  The second set of pushes and her head was out!!  We waited for another set of contractions but it was pretty spaced out so the doc just told me to go ahead and push again, but then told me to wait because the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck.  He tried to get it off but then told me to go ahead and push again to “push through it” so I did and she came out!!  He unwrapped the cord from around her neck and she was crying and he put her on my chest!! It was so amazing. I could not believe she was out with about 15 minutes of pushing.  It was such a cool experience.  I feel so grateful for both of my births and the experiences I have had.

Tegan Ann Carter | Born September 8th, 2022 at 1:31pm | 8lbs 3oz | 21 inches long

xo,

Bess

The post Tegan’s Birth Story appeared first on Bess Harrington Carter.

We have been on 3 beach trips so far this spring/summer (not an easy feat from the mountains…lotssss of time in the car!) and have one more coming up in June.  I have received various questions about what I pack for Emma so I figured I’d take some time to round up what to pack for a beach trip with a toddler based on what we find both easiest & most useful!

What to Pack for a Beach Trip with a Toddler

I’ll preface this by saying my goal is to pack as light as possible – but inevitably with a child you end up taking A LOT of stuff even if you aren’t trying to!  But I think this is mostly a no-fluff list.  I always have to write out a list or I will definitely forget something…so that is step one.  I try to only pack enough outfits as days we will be there, with maybe one extra outfit in case of spills.  I pick stuff that can mix & match together so that if a shirt does get ruined, I can still pair the shorts with another top, etc.  Swimsuits, PJs, undies, socks, pull-ups/diapers…these are the standard things.

For a beach trip specifically, here’s a list of what I take for her:

Car Entertainment

• Amazon Fire Tablet – sometimes it’s literally the only thing that keeps her attention, and if you’re going to be in the car a long time, I would recommend it or something similar!  I just download several shows/movies/games so that they are ready to go.
• Magnetic Busy Book – it has lots of pages and different themes
• Water Wow Coloring Books – the pens are filled with water to color in the books so no worries about colored marker going everywhere!
• Portable potty (okay so this isn’t entertainment but don’t forget to take it if your child isn’t in diapers anymore! we usually have her travel in pull-ups just in case but she will generally tell us when she needs to go potty)
• Take snacks.  Lots & lots of snacks

Sleeping Needs

• Bumpers – since she’s in a big girl bed now we take these!  It replaced the pack & play in the car
• Sound Machine – we just take this one with us from her room because she likes that it’s a nightlight too!

Beach Toys & Accessories

• Sunglasses – Emma has these and these, both are so dang cute!
• Sunscreen – I use both this kind and this kind! You can never have too much sunscreen.  Both are nontoxic and safe sunscreen options!
• Sand castle toys – Emma LOVES these and played with them for so long (when she wasn’t in the water!)
• Puddle Jumper – We have her wear this basically the whole time she’s at the beach but it’s helpful for pool days too.
• Water Shoes – Emma has these and seems to love them!
• XL Beach Bag – 100000% recommend this bag!  It fits SO MUCH.  I can carry our 3 huge towels, water bottles, books, snacks, all the items listed above, and it has an interior zipper pocket for your phone so it won’t get sandy.
• Hair Detangling Spray – we love this & use it every night after bath time, but it’s great to throw in the beach bag!
• Cute swimsuits – can’t forget the cute swimmies!! Emma has this one and this one.  And she also has this cover up oh, and don’t forget a hat!

We have been at places where we had access to an umbrella but I’d definitely recommend making sure you have some sort of shade coverage so babe doesn’t have to be in the sun the entire time you’re outside!  Something like this sun shade canopy, for example.  I haven’t tried that one specifically but it does have a lot of good reviews!

SHOP THE POST:

I hope this post about what to pack for a beach trip with a toddler has been helpful! Do you have anything else you’d recommend?  Leave it in the comments!

xo,

Bess

The post What to Pack for a Beach Trip with a Toddler appeared first on Bess Harrington Carter.

I will write another post soon about the feelings of pregnancy after loss and how it’s so different already from my first experience, but ultimately I am trusting in God and trying my hardest not to let fear be the dominating emotion throughout this pregnancy.  I want to feel all the same joys as I did with Emma, and I don’t want to do a disservice to my child and this precious gift by allowing fear to get the best of me.  With God, I know that I can do it.  So for now, please enjoy these sweet photos we took for our pregnancy announcement and thank you, thank you so much to every single one of you who reached out to me over the past 8 months with prayers and words of encouragement…for keeping me and my family in your prayers.  I am equally as deeply grateful to all of you!

xo,

Bess

The post Our (2nd) Pregnancy Announcement! appeared first on Bess Harrington Carter.

“I see a baby but I’m so sorry, there’s no heartbeat.”

On Monday, August 16th, at 8 weeks pregnant I went in for my first ultrasound for our second pregnancy. Both excited and also nervous, I laid on the table for what felt like an eternity while the technician worked before she gently asked me if I had anyone with me. I did not – the weekend prior, the practice sent an email stating they were no longer allowing companions due to how bad covid is getting again – so no, Craig was not with me.  I wanted to yell “WHY would he be with me when he’s not allowed?!” but I didn’t.  It wasn’t her fault.  None of it was her fault.  But Craig never missed a single appointment when I was pregnant with Emma. I was incredibly upset when they changed their policy.  I understood why they have to take these precautions, but I was also upset…and to be truthful it wasn’t the practice I was mad at. We are both vaccinated.  We both still wear our masks.  We have always taken covid seriously and we “do our part” and yet I felt like we were being punished.  And I was angry about it.  (A lesson we learned the hard way – If a companion isn’t allowed inside, have them sit in the car.)  But that’s just a side note about why Craig was not there and my honest feelings about it.  And that’s why I was alone when I got the worst news of my life.  I told her no, no one was with me, but by then I knew what was coming next. “I see a baby but I’m so sorry, there’s no heartbeat.” 

I immediately broke down. I was sobbing, shaking uncontrollably, and I felt like I might throw up. I had to call Craig and tell him and ask him to get here ASAP.  I think I texted him – I gave little mind to how to best deliver the information and was more concerned with telling him as soon as possible so he could get to me as soon as possible.  I was taken to another room to wait for Craig to arrive. It was the loneliest and most excruciating 30 minutes of my life, but at this point it feels like a blur.  I think I just stared at the floor in between my tears. The doctor came in to comfort me while I waited and explained she’d give Craig & me a few minutes together before she came back in to talk to both of us about our options.

I’d had what is called a “missed miscarriage”… basically my body still thought it was pregnant and the only sign of miscarriage was the inability to find a heartbeat. In fact I was still experiencing pregnancy symptoms. With this kind of miscarriage, it can take your body weeks to realize what’s going on and miscarry naturally.  The doctor told us our options and ultimately we decided on getting the D&C surgery.  It was really hard on me emotionally to know I was carrying our baby but was unable to do anything to help the situation or the life of my child.  I just didn’t think I’d be able to wait week after week for the process to happen on its own.  Knowing myself, I knew it would be extremely detrimental to my emotional and mental wellbeing.  That Thursday I had another ultrasound just to confirm there was no heartbeat (it was confirmed – sadly I did not have hope otherwise) and by Friday morning I still had not begun to miscarry naturally, so after the longest week of our lives, after so many tears, we had the D&C. The procedure went as well as I could have hoped for and I’m so grateful to my doctor and all the nurses and medical staff who were so kind and gracious throughout the process. I felt very cared for and cared about through a trying situation.

The actual procedure itself only takes about 20 minutes, but they did put me under light sedation so I was totally knocked out. We got to the hospital at 5:30am for the 7:30am surgery, and I was home by 11:30am.  I was on some pain medication that day and honestly felt fine, albeit a little tired from the sedation, the rest of the day.  That night I woke up to really bad cramps that had me in tears, but I took some ibuprofen and it helped dramatically and practically took it away completely. The next couple days I just would take either ibuprofen or acetaminophen if I started feeling crampy but after that I didn’t need to take any.  My doctor said it was normal to experience up to 10 days of period-like bleeding, but so far (6 days post-op) I have only had some light spotting.

This picture above was our first & last intentional picture of just the 3 of us. Our baby had a chromosomal abnormality that led to the miscarriage. 40-50% of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities and it’s the leading cause of early miscarriage. My doctor assured me there was nothing I did “wrong” and that sadly, miscarriage is extremely common. I don’t say this to incite fear, but instead to comfort someone else who may experience this.  Miscarriage is not your fault.  I found some comfort in reading other women’s stories of miscarriage (& rainbow babies) and so I want to share my story to hopefully be that same support for someone else. It can be so isolating and so incredibly painful, but reading about others women’s strength and resilience in their experiences greatly helped me. We are very much in the middle of our story to grow our family, but my hope is I’ll have my own story of hope after loss to share with you soon. Thank you for your support and love.

If you’re going through this and need someone to talk to, please know that I am here for you.  It’s such a dark, sad, and confusing time, but I have faith that God is weaving a really beautiful story for each and every one of us.  We could never begin to understand or comprehend it, but we are not meant to.  We are only meant to have faith, and trust.  I know that God only does good.  He is the comforter of the pain, not the creator of it.  Truly knowing who God is has been the biggest source of comfort and peace because I know He will provide, and I know he will take care of it all.  If I doubted any of that, I really don’t know how I’d get through this and be able to move forward with any sense of hope or positivity.  So for that I’m really very grateful.  If I can help you in any way please don’t hesitate to reach out to me.  Or if you’re going through this, please just reach out to someone.  Don’t suffer in silence.  Talking to other women who have been through it has been so helpful to me.

More on the topic of comfort and support, I wanted to share the blog posts, podcasts, devotionals, etc. that I have found helpful as I navigate all of this.  I am still finding things daily so I will update this section as I find more.  If you have any to recommend, please leave them in the comments.

Blogs:

• Julie’s Posts on miscarriages
• Emily’s Post

Podcast:

• Risen Motherhood Ep. 23 || Hope After Miscarriage: Two Moms Share Their Stories of Loss & Healing

Devotionals/Bible Studies:

• Walking Through Miscarriage with God Bible Study Plan (free)
• Loved Baby: 31 Devotions Helping You Grieve and Cherish Your Child after Pregnancy Loss (I haven’t read this yet but it was recommended to me)
• Held: 31 Biblical Reflections on God’s Comfort and Care in the Sorrow of Miscarriage – (Another I haven’t read but was recommended)

I miss my baby so much, every single day.  I think that I always will.  I’ve been assured the pain gets lighter and it gets easier, such as it is with all grief.  But take the time you need to sit into that grief.  Let your heart heal.  We will get through this together.

Sending you all a lot of love,

Bess

The post Our Pregnancy Loss appeared first on Bess Harrington Carter.

It has been a while since I’ve done an Emma update!  But since she turned TWO today(*cue the mama tears*) I figured now would be a good time to share what life with a toddler looks like now, some of her favorite things, our schedule, & all that good stuff.

Emma 24 Month Update

Our Schedule

We have been following the Moms on Call schedule since Emma was about 5 months old, and in all honesty, I wish I had started much sooner.  I loved Moms on Call & highly recommend their scheduler app and courses.  I did kind of break from the schedule after 15 months, however, because Emma seemed happy still taking 2 naps a day, so I kept her on that up until about a month ago and we dropped the morning nap.  Now we just do one longer nap in the afternoon and honestly it is GREAT.  I much prefer it to the 2 naps so I have longer blocks of time to focus on work or mom duties as opposed to constantly turning my brain from one to the other throughout the day.  Here’s what a normal day looks like:

8:30am: Wake Up & Eat Breakfast

9/9:30-11am: Play Time

11-11:45am: Lunch

12-3/3:30pm: Afternoon Nap

3:30-4pm: Afternoon snack

4-6/6:30pm: Play Time

6:30-7pm: Dinner

7-7:30pm: Bathtime & Bedtime

Favorite Foods

Emma is a great eater and will eat most anything we eat, but like any toddler she can be picky just depending on the day!  Some of our go-to’s that generally she will always eat are:  toast with cream cheese, yogurt, pretty much any kind of fruit, spinach with Bolthouse Farms ranch dressing (yes she will eat salad so long as it has the ranch on it lol), smoothies, lots of different kinds of bars, Annie’s Organic Bunny Grahams (like teddy grahams), pasta, chicken nuggets, turkey deli meat, avocado, eggs, black beans, & popsicles!

Favorite Activities

Emma loves to play with her bunnies, really loves to read books, loves climbing & jumping on her nugget, playing with any of her Lovevery toys (the toys that come in the monthly play kits are easily some of her favorites), blowing bubbles, going on walks, playing in water, watching Trash Truck (the show and the real thing, ha), and exploring outside.  She likes to go to local parks and really likes to watch other kids playing.  Since she’s spent most of her life in quarantine, she just soaks it in watching and learning from other kids!  She starts preschool soon and I think it’s going to be so good for her.  Besides, I think she gets SO BORED with me at home sometimes haha.

Other Things

Emma can say her ABCs, count to 10, & recite some of her books from memory (she knows the entire Little Excavator book).  She is basically a little parrot and repeats anything we say so we are having to be careful haha.  She’s so, so sweet.  When she wants you to do something she says “you want me to do it!” but that means she wants YOU to do it haha.  She actually says some of the funniest stuff ever lol we are always cracking up at her.  She loves all animals, especially bunnies (stuffed or real).  She may wear me out every day, but gosh is it so much fun.  I wouldn’t change anything for the world

Emma’s Outfit:

xo,

Bess

The post Emma 24 Month Update appeared first on Bess Harrington Carter.